Thursday, June 4, 2009

Haunted Grocery Store

...or what happens with Merrissa and I go through Heroes withdrawl.

I woke up this morning after by far the most ridiculous dream I've had in a long, long time. So I did what I always do when I have weird dreams... wait for Merrissa to get home from work and recount it in crisp detail. After she and Ricky stopped laughing at me I decided that this dream was weird enough to post. So enjoy! Especially those of you who make guest appearances.

Okay so...

Dusk. In the parking lot of an abandoned Bristol Farms grocery store.

Nick Chavez and I pace around the parking lot amongst a growing crowd of x-men-esque freaks. It becomes quickly apparent that both Nick and I also have powers of our own. Nick has a magic camera... I'm not really sure what was so magic about it, but according to my dream it could totally kick the asses of the forces of evil. I was telekinetic... but for some reason never used my power, apparently I'm the lamest x-man ever.

As we continue to walk Kevin Shore approaches us. Kevin, I have no idea what your power was... but you were snooty about it. Anyway, Kevin comes up and says, "Hey, we're putting together a group to go into the store, we need to get to Sauron before he can finish his plan. We're not entirely sure what's inside, but I think it's probably like Harry Potter with Wizard Chess and stuff."

So Nick, Kevin, and I start assembling a group of people to go inside, trying to pick those with the best powers.

"We should probably find some beefy dudes," I suggested, "Just in case we get inside and our powers don't work, like during the eclipses on Heroes."

"Good thinking, I'll go find some." said Kevin

"Yeah, no powers would suck." said Nick, still snapping pictures of everything with his magic camera.


Nick and I wait around for like ever. No sign of Kevin and beefy dudes to join our expedition into the haunted grocery store. We finally find Kevin sitting around and drinking soda.

"Lame" says I.

"Yeah, whatever happened to, 'we have to get inside the haunted grocery store before the evil lord Sauron destroys the world?'" countered Nick.

"Yeah, I thought about it, and uh... we could die in there! So... no." replied Kevin

Needless to say we decided to leave Kevin behind, as I mentioned before... overall snootiness. But now we're one member short for our expedition team. I look around and spot someone and say, "Hey Nathan! Do you wanna go in the haunted grocery store with us?"

Just then Nathan Petrelli from heroes flies up to join our group.

"Oh cool," I said, "uh, what about your brother Peter... I mean, his power's probably gonna be more useful than flying. When you think about it all you can do is fly out of harm's way, you're not exactly a seasoned fighter..."

"Look, do you want me to come or not?" Nathan said.

"Okay fine," I countered, "but only because we still need people." And with that we all entered the haunted Bristol Farms.

The haunted grocery store was fully stocked, just like an average grocery store only infinitely more sinister. As we traversed the many aisles of overpriced canned goods, we heard a commotion from the front of the store.

"Is there anybody here who can ring me up? I want to buy these peaches!"

I sprinted to the front of the store where a group of cantankerous middle aged women had somehow gotten through the boarded up storefront and had begun shopping.

"Ma'am! Ma'am!" I yelled.

"Are you here to ring me up? It's about dang time!" one of the women said.

"Ma'am, you can't shop here! This store is haunted." I explained.

"Don't you tell me what I can and can't do, I want to see your manager!" she complained.

"We don't have a manager! I don't work here! This place is haunted! Get out while you still can!" I screamed.

"Well, I NEVER! Some people just don't believe in customer service!" and with that the middle aged women sauntered off and continued to wander through the abandoned aisles.


Nick and I sprinted to the back of the store where Nathan was waiting. He lifted a flap and we climbed through into what appeared to be some kind of hydroponic greenhouse thingey. We passed through rows and rows of incubators with all kinds of different plants in them until we finally entered a room resembling a high school locker room.

"Don't touch anything! Especially not the lockers!" Nathan shouted

"Jeez, chill out!" I replied. Right about now I'm wondering why I didn't bother to dream Sylar onto our team. He'd have no problem cracking skulls and he probably wouldn't be such a whiner. Nick is still taking pictures of everything... I'm not sure it's doing us any good. Just as I'm thinking all this... one of the other girls in our expedition team tries to open one of the lockers. She manages to pry the door open before violently vomiting on the floor and convulsing.

"Dammit! What did I tell you about the lockers!" yelled Nathan.

The girl straightens herself and wipes off her chin. "Actually, I feel okay." she said.

"I know! But there's puke everywhere! That's gross!" said Nathan.

"And guess who's gotta clean it up..." the voice came from a dark, shadowy doorway at the other end of the room.


"Who are you? Do you work for Sauron?" I asked.

The figure stepped out of the doorway revealing himself to be a crochety janitor.

"I've been workin' for Sauron for nigh on 30 years! Mean ol' sumbitch!" the janitor answered.

"Uhh... well we were kinda lookin for him. Do you know where he is?" I asked.

"Down the hall, last office on the left." from the janitor.

"You're awfully forthcoming with the secrets of your master the evil overlord..." I said suspiciously, "How do we know this isn't a trap?"

"Master hired me to clean the floors, not to keep secrets. If he wants me to keep secrets he can clean this puke up by his damn self! Vomit lockers, what the hell was he thinkin'? If I gotta clean up puke one more time Imma give that man a piece of my mind, see how he likes a broom instead of a wand..." The janitor trailed off as Nick, Nathan, and I looked at each other.

"Sounds good to me." said Nathan, and with that he scampered out the doorway and down the hall.

And that's when I woke up.

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