Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Paige vs. Boredom: Retail Edition

I'm working over 30 hours this week because they're trying to squeeze all the hours they can out of me before I leave for the UK. What I've realized during these insanely long hours is... there is nothing to do in that frickin' store.

Seriously, I took pricetags off stuff and put new identical ones on, just so I would have something to do. It's not like my apartment where distractions are a dime a dozen...

Oh, so many sweater covered forms...

But I digress, as a result of my intense boredom, I've compiled this list. A list of things to do when you find yourself bored out of your mind whilst toiling part time at a soul sucking retail enterprise.

1. Switch name tags with a co-worker, preferably one of a different gender.

Today I was "Jeff" for approximately 5 hours. Only one person noticed... then I realized he'd only read my name tag whilst staring at my chest. Another fun name game is to change the pronunciation, take this exchange for example...

Customer: Why that is a nice blender, I'll take it. Thank you, (squints and peers at name tag) Paige.

Paige: Actually it's Pa-hay. It's Spanish.

Also feel free to try, "Pa-ee-jay, it's a family name."

2. Look for products with hilarious names or directions.

For those of you playing along at home, yes... that does say "Either thrust slowly or use safety device." I recommend both... when using mandolins.

3. Find the most ridiculous item in the store... and see how many people you can sell it to.

What's that you say? You don't need an avocado slicer? Well, imagine this scenario if you will...

You're driving along with your family trying to peel and pit your avocado with a paring knife. All of a sudden the kids are yellin' from the back seat, "I gotta go to the bathroom Daddy!"

"Not now dammit!"


Here comes the meat wagon! (wee ooo wee ooo wee ooo) The medic gets out and says "Oh My God!" The new guy's over on the corner pukin' his guts out, (barfing sounds). All because you wanted to save a few pennies...

Customer: We'll take two.

Me: Is the receipt in the bag okay?

4. Stare intently at an odd part of a customer's body until they notice...

This is guaranteed to freak people out and it's awesome.

Customer: Is there something on my wrist? You keep staring at it...

Me: (Confused expression)

Customer: I'll take 2 avocado slicers please.

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