Monday, April 6, 2009

Bad Roommate Stories

Alrighty readers! Ever had to pick a roommate up from the police station at 3am? Found your bunk mate bumping uglies with a loud drunk guy while you're trying to sleep? You name it, I want to hear about it! Give me your worst, your funniest, most disgusting roommate stories you can muster. Even if its a random story you heard about someone else, I WANT TO KNOW! Post them in the comments or email me if they're super long. I'll post the really, really good ones and you guys can vote on a winner :)

You go Glen CoCo!


  1. Some college girlApril 6, 2009 at 1:42 AM

    I had a control freak crazy roommate who thought her life was more important than all of ours. She went to sleep early and set rules where we couldn't have friends over after 10 pm or open/close the door to get in. Because she is a sensitive sleeper and this would all wake her up and ruin her life. Basically, her lifestyle was not conducive to college life and no one could stand her. She also wouldn't talk to any of us but leave hate mail via post its all over the house. For example, "there were THREE CRUMBS here. SOMEONE LEFT THEM CLEAN THEM UP BEFORE I GET BACK." It was awful coming home to her hostility and hate notes....

    But one day, when she was in class, my BF and I had sex on her bed. If she had known, she would have flipped out. Oh, sweet revenge.

  2. Hmm, this is a lot like the Roommate Confessions articles that does. You might want to check it out.

  3. I've seen roommate confessions. It's addicting. I spent hours going through the posts one night and I eventually had to stop reading after I'd found like 20 entries where I felt like the roommate didn't deserve it. Stuff like, "You looked at me funny, so I pissed on your bed."

  4. Note: Not my roommate.

    My friend's roommate is a hot mess. She never cleaned anything. When we would go over to their apartment nobody would ever use her bathroom for fear of a slow and painful death brought on by some sort of unknown bacteria.

    A big group of us had enjoyed Thanksgiving at the apartment and then we all slept on the floor so we could go to a Black Friday sale. We woke up SUPER EARLY and everyone was getting ready to go. Since there were so many of us the clean bathroom was full, but wanted to use the disgusting bathroom.

    Finally, the bravest of my friends had to brush his teeth and couldn't wait any longer. This person is known for his unshakability. He once ate chips off of someone's feet and watched Two Girls One Cup four times while eating berry cobbler. He walked into the bathroom and screamed "Hell no!" and immediately walked out. Curious as to what, in a bathroom, could have possibly freaked him out, I walked in. Much to my chagrin I found, pouring out of the trash can, two to three months worth of feminine products covered in hungry ants.

    Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever.

  5. When I was living in the dorms, my roommate told me that I should get a boyfriend so she and her boyfriend, and me and my boyfriend, could have sex in adjacent rooms and see who could be louder. Yeah, it was awkward!

  6. One of my roommates freshman year (I lived in a triple in Mesa) told her boyfriend she's only cheat on him with the lead singer of her favorite band...well Spring quarter it happened. I can back from class and left the room as they were enjoying a post-sex smoke out. Once he left, she convinced us to cover for her. Eventually, she told her boyfriend who felt betrayed not only by his girlfriend but also by my other roommate and me. Yeah it was weird...I don't meddle in others' boyfriend/girlfriend/ "other woman" affairs anymore.

  7. Okay, here goes... so my first year living off campus, I was at Villa Siena (Jamboree and Michelson.) My bestest friend in the whole wide world, wasn't exaaactly a roommate, but we essentially lived together, all things considered. In class one day, I fainted in Rowland Hall, cus' I get extremely bad "cramps" and my fainting spells were a regular ailment... I was rushed to student health, and they prescribed some Vicodin, and the doctor also gave me birth control, saying that even if I wasn't sexually active, it would help.

    So I went home for the day, and called my mom to let her know that I fainted in class but I saw the doctor. She freaked out, and being a medtech, wend into Doctor mom mode, and said, "I'm coming out there to take care of you! Don't take anything you've been perscribed" She's super conservative, so knowing that I was on the pill would've crushed her, and had her thinking I was sexually active or that I had some right to be...

    wow... this is getting long... but the story gets to a point, I promise. So... I'm in pain, and I ask my BestFriend (a guy, nonetheless) to pick up all the stuff the doctor perscribed, and I asked if he could forward payment, so they wouldn't show up on my insurance, and so my mom wouldn't know i was taking the pill (or, at least, going to)...

    long story short, he takes off work to pick up my stuff and goes to my apartment to give it to me. We're in my room, and all my roommates are in the adjacent living room watching TV, and we have all these pills and stuff on my bed. I'm in a pair of boy's boxers and a sports bra, and he's in work clothes, and then we hear a doorbell.

    It was my mom, at the door, and my roommates let her in. She beelined for my room, and we thought super fast and stuffed all my meds in his coat pocket, and I pushed him out of my bedroom, and onto the balcony, just in time to swoop back into bed as my mom walked in.

    First thing my mom said, was "it's stuffy in here, Let me open your balcony door" I'm freaking out that she'd find my friend huddled in the corner of my balcony with a fistful of pills, and we'd be screwed, but when she did, he wasn't there! he was gone!

    I checked to see if he made it somehow into the living room but he wasn't there. My mom and dad take me and my roommates to dinner, they get me iron supplements at the drugstore, and take me home. My mom tucks me into bed, kisses my forehead, and they head home to LA.

    The second my parents leave, I call my best friend and he's like... dying... at least he sounds like it... I'm like, what happened?!?!?! where are you?!?! HE HAD JUMPED OFF THE BALCONY!!! It was like a 15 foot drop!!! Into bushes, dirt, rocks, and completely unkept foliage, because it was on the inside of a 15 foot retaining wall.

    He was still there, between the wall of my building, and the wall of the street... AND he had fallen flat against his ass... ON TOP OF A broken SPRINKLER HEAD ... THAT PENETRATED HIS PANTS... RIGHT AT THE CROTCH!!!

    So I come down to get him, and my poor broken friend is a mess in his office clothes, lying on an uneven patch of tropical foliage and mud, looking like he had just pissed blood all over himself. I find adrenaline somehow and practically carry him back up, and at this point we're both afraid that he had lost a testicle. I draw him a bath, and true enough, there was a deep puncture wound on his inner thigh (like it looked like guts were sticking out...) and he had scratched his left ball.

    Embarrased and ashamed, he didn't want to go to the doctor to have it looked at. I didn't encourage him, though, in retrospect he probably should have.

    Guilty for the whole thing, and pissed off at his stupidity for jumping, I spent the next 5 weeks living at his apartment, waking up at the crack of dawn every morning to clean his wounds, apply antibacterial ointments and neosporin, and bandage up his thigh and left scrotum. Every night, before bed, I'd repeat the process of removing the day's bandage, and dressing the wounds for his night's rest.

    By the next 2 months, he was walking straight, and I didn't have to help him anymore, but little signs tell me he was healed way before he admits... i had never wanted to have that much facetime, with a guys penis ever, in my life... much less a friend's... but yeah...

    Talk about psychosymatic consequences, though, I never again fainted from a menstrual cramp again...

    Nonetheless, I'd say that was pretty bad, right?

  8. You should know who this isApril 16, 2009 at 3:59 PM

    1.The night before winter break my freshman year, I had some sort of food poisoning. The previous night, I had gone to Walmart and Wendy's with some friends, then to a Christmas party and a trucker restaurant for an "ooey gooey, or, as the rest of the world calls it, brownie a la mode. I woke up at 3am (about an hour after the ooey gooey) and started puking. The first hurl was on my bed. I rolled out of bed and continued to puke on our room floor. While I'm barfing uncontrollably, my roommate, looks down at me from her bunk and says, "Can you do that in the bathroom?"

    Eventually, I crawled down the hall to the bathroom, but by that time, I was done.

    I brushed my teeth and walked back to my room where my roommate was standing on the edge of the room staring at my mess. While I didn't really expect her to clean up my vomit, I was very obviously sick and she didn't do a thing.
    Anyway, I spent the night in the laundry room waiting for my sheets to wash and dry.

    2.Stupid things my roommate has said:
    "Delta’s not a word."
    "I look like a wildebeest right now. Kinda sexy. A wildebeest goin’ through heat."
    "Quite moronic, isn’t it?"