Why is it that every time you're hunting around in the bottom of your purse for change for the vending machine, you always come up with 75 cents... and a Chuck E. Cheese token. You don't even know why it's there. It's just taunting you, giving you false hope, the same size and weight as a quarter... but utterly worthless anywhere but the bank of Mr. Charles E. Cheese.
You start thinking to yourself, "Self, how did I even get a Chuck E. Cheese token?" I mean, when was the last time I was even AT Chuck E. Cheese? 1996? Have I been wandering through children's birthday parties in my sleep, slowly stealing their tokens and hiding them in the black hole of my purse next to the gum wrappers in the realm of chapsticks past?
It wouldn't be so weird if it only happened once in a while, but seriously, EVERY time I'm looking for change I find Chuck E. Currency. As if I could play an infinite number of skee ball games if I just kept digging for soda machine change, until finally I had a mountain of equally useless tickets that will only buy me a hamburger phone, two slap bracelets, and a parachute man, when all I really want is a Diet Coke.
Even if you could redeem your tickets for Diet Coke at the prize counter, you know it'd be like 3000 tickets. WHO HAS THAT MANY TICKETS? No one THAT'S WHO! So it would sit, right up there next to Fairy Magic Barbie, mocking you with her tiny waist and glitter wings... I bet she never finds Chuck E. Cheese tokens in her purse. Bitch.