Dynamite Jones from Paige Wesley on Vimeo.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Film Final Rough Cut
Okay, for those of you who had the fortunate experience of being in my final project for my film class this quarter, here's the first peek at the final product. It's still missing some voiceovers and the final credits, it's a little rough but I hope you guys like it all the same :)
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Horror Movie Rules: Rule #1 Overkill
Okay, I know I haven't posted in like forever, mainly because I've been filming my awesomesauce Film Final about gold disco boots, but I digress. To make it up to all of you faithful readers I'm coming back with a vengance. So without further ado, I give you the first in a series of posts detailing my favorite horror movie cliches, the first being...
Overkill
over·kill
* Pronunciation: \ˈō-vər-ˌkil\
* Function: noun
1 : a destructive capacity greatly exceeding that required for a given target
2 : an excess of something (as a quantity or an action) beyond what is required or suitable for a particular purpose
3 : killing in excess of what is intended or required
Ever heard the expression that anything worth doing is worth doing well? No one knows that better than horror films.
Example 1: The Overlook (or Overkill) Hotel
I had the pleasure of seeing a midnight showing of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining recently and I noticed something. Steven King, the author of the book on which the film is based, must have been dead set on the Overlook Hotel being quite possibly the most evil/cursed/haunted place on the face of the earth. Look at the facts... the Overlook Hotel was...
1. Built on an Indian Burial Ground
2. Secluded in the mountains, to ensure maximum isolation syndrome for the caretakers.
3. The site of a heinous murder in the 70's
4. Overseen by a psychic cook.
5. Most definitely haunted.
Okay, built on an Indian Burial Ground AND the site of a gruesome murder AND impossibly far from civilization? Seriously? All three? Really? It reminds me of that Friends episode where Phoebe plays with Monica's dollhouse and claims it has an attic ghost from being built on an Indian Burial Ground AND a giant radioactive dog because it was also built on a former Nuclear Power Plant.
You might be thinking that this is a one time incident... but you would be oh so wrong. King made similar claims about the house in his miniseries Rose Red. For those of you unfamiliar with Rose Red, or it's real life counterpart, the Winchester Mystery House, here's the skinny...
1. Built on an Indian Burial Ground
2. Constructed by a crazy lady to be a veritable maze of terror because she believed she was being pursued by ghosts, not surprising considering...
3. The Seance Room, which came in handy with her...
4. Maid from the Bahamas who practiced Voodoo, who was present when...
5. A little girl disappeared in the house, just like...
6. A famous actress also disappeared in the house, right next to the kitchen where...
7. Their uncle hung himself in front of the children.
There's even more, but why? Number 1 is enough reason for that house to have more ghosts than fangirls at a Twilight convention. Oh wait, now I remember... OVERKILL. Just making sure that there is no possible way for the house to be anything less than utterly terrifying.
Example 2: Just Keep Shaving
Also known as the gross out factor. This is the point in a movie where the filmmaker literally goes out of their way to make their film, bloodier, gorier, and in some cases awesomer.
I hate to beat a dead horse and I know that reference Cabin Fever all the time... but seriously let me set the scene for you. It's the end of the movie, nearly everyone's infected, and one of the remaining damsels in distress decides to shower in infected water... and shave her legs. As she shaves, her skin is literally falling off her legs... but she KEEPS SHAVING! Now what's wrong with this scene...
1. You're about to die and you decide to spend some of your last moments... in a shower? Shaving your legs? Really? Really?
2. Showers, as most of us know, use water... the same water carrying the disease. And you want to bathe in it? Really?
3. And in this moment of peril, you want to... shave your legs? Seriously?
4. Then once your skin is falling off you want to... keep shaving?
Here's a clue... STOP SHAVING! For those of you who've seen the film, you'll note a pattern of this kind of behavior. Other examples include...
1. Rider Strong performing a "Mercy Killing" with a shovel... while he's holding a gun.
2. Lighting a dying hobo on fire... again while holding a gun.
3. Hitting a deer and having it's legs shoot through the windshield and spurt blood.
4. Death via. Harmonica
Of course Cabin Fever is not the only film guilty of this rule. Zombie movies are some of the worst culprits, and even thrillers chime in once in a while, take Se7en for example. Killing someone by force feeding them til they burst? Terrifying. 6 more gruesomely creative murders... overkill... literally. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Finally...
Example 3: Why won't you die?
Jason Vorhees, Michael Meyers, Jigsaw, Predator, heck even Terminator... why the heck won't they DIE! Sequels! That's why. Consider Jason Vorhees for example...
There are 12, yes 12, films in the Friday the 13th series and Jason has been killed and resurrected multiple times. For those of you keeping track.
1. Jason supposedly drowned whilst attending Camp Crystal Lake as a child
2. He was stabbed with a machete
3. Killed as a result of an axe wound to the head.
4. Attacked and killed by his neighbor Tommy.
5. Resurrected using a fencepost as a lightning rod.
6. Chained to a boulder and left at the bottom of Crystal Lake
7. Resurrected by a psychic
8. Drowned in the lake again
9. Resurrected by an underwater electrical cable
10. Melted by toxic sewer waste
11. Resurrected again... not really explained how.
12. Killed in FBI sting
13. Manages to pass his black heart on to another being
14. Resurrected by his sister and niece
15. Stabbed with a mystical dagger, and subsequently dragged to hell
16. Unexplained resurrection
17. Cryogenically frozen and taken to space, then ejected onto Earth 2
18. Resurrected by Freddy Krueger
19. Supposedly... finally killed... until the next sequel.
Yeah... Consider this also, the 10th film in the Halloween series came out yesterday. OVERKILL
Well, that's all for now :) I'll be back with another Horror rule in the next few days.
Laterz,
Rampaige
Overkill
over·kill
* Pronunciation: \ˈō-vər-ˌkil\
* Function: noun
1 : a destructive capacity greatly exceeding that required for a given target
2 : an excess of something (as a quantity or an action) beyond what is required or suitable for a particular purpose
3 : killing in excess of what is intended or required
Ever heard the expression that anything worth doing is worth doing well? No one knows that better than horror films.
Example 1: The Overlook (or Overkill) Hotel
I had the pleasure of seeing a midnight showing of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining recently and I noticed something. Steven King, the author of the book on which the film is based, must have been dead set on the Overlook Hotel being quite possibly the most evil/cursed/haunted place on the face of the earth. Look at the facts... the Overlook Hotel was...
1. Built on an Indian Burial Ground
2. Secluded in the mountains, to ensure maximum isolation syndrome for the caretakers.
3. The site of a heinous murder in the 70's
4. Overseen by a psychic cook.
5. Most definitely haunted.
Okay, built on an Indian Burial Ground AND the site of a gruesome murder AND impossibly far from civilization? Seriously? All three? Really? It reminds me of that Friends episode where Phoebe plays with Monica's dollhouse and claims it has an attic ghost from being built on an Indian Burial Ground AND a giant radioactive dog because it was also built on a former Nuclear Power Plant.
You might be thinking that this is a one time incident... but you would be oh so wrong. King made similar claims about the house in his miniseries Rose Red. For those of you unfamiliar with Rose Red, or it's real life counterpart, the Winchester Mystery House, here's the skinny...
1. Built on an Indian Burial Ground
2. Constructed by a crazy lady to be a veritable maze of terror because she believed she was being pursued by ghosts, not surprising considering...
3. The Seance Room, which came in handy with her...
4. Maid from the Bahamas who practiced Voodoo, who was present when...
5. A little girl disappeared in the house, just like...
6. A famous actress also disappeared in the house, right next to the kitchen where...
7. Their uncle hung himself in front of the children.
There's even more, but why? Number 1 is enough reason for that house to have more ghosts than fangirls at a Twilight convention. Oh wait, now I remember... OVERKILL. Just making sure that there is no possible way for the house to be anything less than utterly terrifying.
Example 2: Just Keep Shaving
Also known as the gross out factor. This is the point in a movie where the filmmaker literally goes out of their way to make their film, bloodier, gorier, and in some cases awesomer.
I hate to beat a dead horse and I know that reference Cabin Fever all the time... but seriously let me set the scene for you. It's the end of the movie, nearly everyone's infected, and one of the remaining damsels in distress decides to shower in infected water... and shave her legs. As she shaves, her skin is literally falling off her legs... but she KEEPS SHAVING! Now what's wrong with this scene...
1. You're about to die and you decide to spend some of your last moments... in a shower? Shaving your legs? Really? Really?
2. Showers, as most of us know, use water... the same water carrying the disease. And you want to bathe in it? Really?
3. And in this moment of peril, you want to... shave your legs? Seriously?
4. Then once your skin is falling off you want to... keep shaving?
Here's a clue... STOP SHAVING! For those of you who've seen the film, you'll note a pattern of this kind of behavior. Other examples include...
1. Rider Strong performing a "Mercy Killing" with a shovel... while he's holding a gun.
2. Lighting a dying hobo on fire... again while holding a gun.
3. Hitting a deer and having it's legs shoot through the windshield and spurt blood.
4. Death via. Harmonica
Of course Cabin Fever is not the only film guilty of this rule. Zombie movies are some of the worst culprits, and even thrillers chime in once in a while, take Se7en for example. Killing someone by force feeding them til they burst? Terrifying. 6 more gruesomely creative murders... overkill... literally. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Finally...
Example 3: Why won't you die?
Jason Vorhees, Michael Meyers, Jigsaw, Predator, heck even Terminator... why the heck won't they DIE! Sequels! That's why. Consider Jason Vorhees for example...
There are 12, yes 12, films in the Friday the 13th series and Jason has been killed and resurrected multiple times. For those of you keeping track.
1. Jason supposedly drowned whilst attending Camp Crystal Lake as a child
2. He was stabbed with a machete
3. Killed as a result of an axe wound to the head.
4. Attacked and killed by his neighbor Tommy.
5. Resurrected using a fencepost as a lightning rod.
6. Chained to a boulder and left at the bottom of Crystal Lake
7. Resurrected by a psychic
8. Drowned in the lake again
9. Resurrected by an underwater electrical cable
10. Melted by toxic sewer waste
11. Resurrected again... not really explained how.
12. Killed in FBI sting
13. Manages to pass his black heart on to another being
14. Resurrected by his sister and niece
15. Stabbed with a mystical dagger, and subsequently dragged to hell
16. Unexplained resurrection
17. Cryogenically frozen and taken to space, then ejected onto Earth 2
18. Resurrected by Freddy Krueger
19. Supposedly... finally killed... until the next sequel.
Yeah... Consider this also, the 10th film in the Halloween series came out yesterday. OVERKILL
Well, that's all for now :) I'll be back with another Horror rule in the next few days.
Laterz,
Rampaige
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Lazy Blogger's Post Generator
Cake Wrecks posted a link to this site on Twitter so I thought I'd give it a try, it turned out rather Hilarious if I do say so myself.
So here goes...
Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman! I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe the fairy dust I have to clean up. My bad...
I am totally exhausted with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, learning to speak Japanese, and just generally being the life of the party to anyone unfortunate enough to cross my path. My day seems to be a litany of stuff and giggles from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to sun down and beyond. I am totally loving it, dudes. I need a nap.
I swear on the bones of my ancestors I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Truly! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.
If you guys want to try it out for yourselves, here's the link...
href="http://www.aussiebloggers.com.au/blogpost.html">
So here goes...
Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman! I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe the fairy dust I have to clean up. My bad...
I am totally exhausted with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, learning to speak Japanese, and just generally being the life of the party to anyone unfortunate enough to cross my path. My day seems to be a litany of stuff and giggles from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to sun down and beyond. I am totally loving it, dudes. I need a nap.
I swear on the bones of my ancestors I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Truly! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.
If you guys want to try it out for yourselves, here's the link...
href="http://www.aussiebloggers.com.au/blogpost.html">
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Links of Horror!
I know I haven't posted in a bleam and for that... I am sorry. But I'm going to make it up to you, I promise.
Whilst perusing the interwebs this evening I came across a short film so amazingly hilarious, it had to be shared. However, a word to the wise. There is quite a bit of harsh language and this film is quite literally a blood bath, and by blood bath I mean there was literally enough blood in each scene to fill a bathtub. Multiple bathtubs in fact.
You are about to experience... TREEVENGE!
For years, we've cut down mighty trees to fit our cruel holiday tradition, now the time has come for the trees to get even, the time has come for them to CUT US DOWN! How do you like them apples?
I'm not quite sure what's funnier, the fact that the filmmakers actually made this film, or that it's a followup to their previous film... wait for it... HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN!
Prepare to experience excellence.
href="http://www.screenjunkies.com/movienews/treevenge-al-gores-fantasy-horror-movie">
Whilst perusing the interwebs this evening I came across a short film so amazingly hilarious, it had to be shared. However, a word to the wise. There is quite a bit of harsh language and this film is quite literally a blood bath, and by blood bath I mean there was literally enough blood in each scene to fill a bathtub. Multiple bathtubs in fact.
You are about to experience... TREEVENGE!
For years, we've cut down mighty trees to fit our cruel holiday tradition, now the time has come for the trees to get even, the time has come for them to CUT US DOWN! How do you like them apples?
I'm not quite sure what's funnier, the fact that the filmmakers actually made this film, or that it's a followup to their previous film... wait for it... HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN!
Prepare to experience excellence.
href="http://www.screenjunkies.com/movienews/treevenge-al-gores-fantasy-horror-movie">
Monday, June 29, 2009
Paige Vs. The Camera: European Edition
Okay, so I've been trying to post for 3 days and if it's not internet connectivity issues than it's something else. I promise I have hilarious pictures and ridiculousness to put up, but at the moment, my camera won't upload to my computer and the post wouldn't be complete without it.
So... What you have to look forward to, when I get the camera working, is....
-A photo collection of hilarious signs from throughout Europe. Featuring the Ho Ho House in Wells, Somerset.
-A photo tour of the city where they filmed Hot Fuzz. Including pictures of me standing on the spot of my #5 Favorite Movie Death of all time... no lie.
-Erin trying to wreck my pictures of Stonehenge... and succeeding
-Fun with Billy Shakespeare around Stratford Upon Avon... Fun Fact, Billy Shakespeare... wrote a whole bunch of sonnets. Source: LFO.
Hopefully I'll be able to get a post up when we get back into London next week. Until then, Cheers!
-Rampaige
So... What you have to look forward to, when I get the camera working, is....
-A photo collection of hilarious signs from throughout Europe. Featuring the Ho Ho House in Wells, Somerset.
-A photo tour of the city where they filmed Hot Fuzz. Including pictures of me standing on the spot of my #5 Favorite Movie Death of all time... no lie.
-Erin trying to wreck my pictures of Stonehenge... and succeeding
-Fun with Billy Shakespeare around Stratford Upon Avon... Fun Fact, Billy Shakespeare... wrote a whole bunch of sonnets. Source: LFO.
Hopefully I'll be able to get a post up when we get back into London next week. Until then, Cheers!
-Rampaige
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Paige vs. Boredom: Retail Edition
I'm working over 30 hours this week because they're trying to squeeze all the hours they can out of me before I leave for the UK. What I've realized during these insanely long hours is... there is nothing to do in that frickin' store.
Seriously, I took pricetags off stuff and put new identical ones on, just so I would have something to do. It's not like my apartment where distractions are a dime a dozen...
Oh, so many sweater covered forms...
But I digress, as a result of my intense boredom, I've compiled this list. A list of things to do when you find yourself bored out of your mind whilst toiling part time at a soul sucking retail enterprise.
1. Switch name tags with a co-worker, preferably one of a different gender.
Today I was "Jeff" for approximately 5 hours. Only one person noticed... then I realized he'd only read my name tag whilst staring at my chest. Another fun name game is to change the pronunciation, take this exchange for example...
Customer: Why that is a nice blender, I'll take it. Thank you, (squints and peers at name tag) Paige.
Paige: Actually it's Pa-hay. It's Spanish.
Also feel free to try, "Pa-ee-jay, it's a family name."
2. Look for products with hilarious names or directions.
For those of you playing along at home, yes... that does say "Either thrust slowly or use safety device." I recommend both... when using mandolins.
3. Find the most ridiculous item in the store... and see how many people you can sell it to.
What's that you say? You don't need an avocado slicer? Well, imagine this scenario if you will...
You're driving along with your family trying to peel and pit your avocado with a paring knife. All of a sudden the kids are yellin' from the back seat, "I gotta go to the bathroom Daddy!"
"Not now dammit!"
Truck Tire! "I can't stop!!! ITS A CLIFF!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! OHHH MY GOD WE'RE BURNING ALIVE! OHHH I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!"
Here comes the meat wagon! (wee ooo wee ooo wee ooo) The medic gets out and says "Oh My God!" The new guy's over on the corner pukin' his guts out, (barfing sounds). All because you wanted to save a few pennies...
Customer: We'll take two.
Me: Is the receipt in the bag okay?
4. Stare intently at an odd part of a customer's body until they notice...
This is guaranteed to freak people out and it's awesome.
Customer: Is there something on my wrist? You keep staring at it...
Me: (Confused expression)
Customer: I'll take 2 avocado slicers please.
Seriously, I took pricetags off stuff and put new identical ones on, just so I would have something to do. It's not like my apartment where distractions are a dime a dozen...
Oh, so many sweater covered forms...
But I digress, as a result of my intense boredom, I've compiled this list. A list of things to do when you find yourself bored out of your mind whilst toiling part time at a soul sucking retail enterprise.
1. Switch name tags with a co-worker, preferably one of a different gender.
Today I was "Jeff" for approximately 5 hours. Only one person noticed... then I realized he'd only read my name tag whilst staring at my chest. Another fun name game is to change the pronunciation, take this exchange for example...
Customer: Why that is a nice blender, I'll take it. Thank you, (squints and peers at name tag) Paige.
Paige: Actually it's Pa-hay. It's Spanish.
Also feel free to try, "Pa-ee-jay, it's a family name."
2. Look for products with hilarious names or directions.
For those of you playing along at home, yes... that does say "Either thrust slowly or use safety device." I recommend both... when using mandolins.
3. Find the most ridiculous item in the store... and see how many people you can sell it to.
What's that you say? You don't need an avocado slicer? Well, imagine this scenario if you will...
You're driving along with your family trying to peel and pit your avocado with a paring knife. All of a sudden the kids are yellin' from the back seat, "I gotta go to the bathroom Daddy!"
"Not now dammit!"
Truck Tire! "I can't stop!!! ITS A CLIFF!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! OHHH MY GOD WE'RE BURNING ALIVE! OHHH I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!"
Here comes the meat wagon! (wee ooo wee ooo wee ooo) The medic gets out and says "Oh My God!" The new guy's over on the corner pukin' his guts out, (barfing sounds). All because you wanted to save a few pennies...
Customer: We'll take two.
Me: Is the receipt in the bag okay?
4. Stare intently at an odd part of a customer's body until they notice...
This is guaranteed to freak people out and it's awesome.
Customer: Is there something on my wrist? You keep staring at it...
Me: (Confused expression)
Customer: I'll take 2 avocado slicers please.
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