Why is it that every time you're hunting around in the bottom of your purse for change for the vending machine, you always come up with 75 cents... and a Chuck E. Cheese token. You don't even know why it's there. It's just taunting you, giving you false hope, the same size and weight as a quarter... but utterly worthless anywhere but the bank of Mr. Charles E. Cheese.
You start thinking to yourself, "Self, how did I even get a Chuck E. Cheese token?" I mean, when was the last time I was even AT Chuck E. Cheese? 1996? Have I been wandering through children's birthday parties in my sleep, slowly stealing their tokens and hiding them in the black hole of my purse next to the gum wrappers in the realm of chapsticks past?
It wouldn't be so weird if it only happened once in a while, but seriously, EVERY time I'm looking for change I find Chuck E. Currency. As if I could play an infinite number of skee ball games if I just kept digging for soda machine change, until finally I had a mountain of equally useless tickets that will only buy me a hamburger phone, two slap bracelets, and a parachute man, when all I really want is a Diet Coke.
Even if you could redeem your tickets for Diet Coke at the prize counter, you know it'd be like 3000 tickets. WHO HAS THAT MANY TICKETS? No one THAT'S WHO! So it would sit, right up there next to Fairy Magic Barbie, mocking you with her tiny waist and glitter wings... I bet she never finds Chuck E. Cheese tokens in her purse. Bitch.
For this spring session at UCLA I'm taking a class on writing half-hour sitcoms and I have to say, it's been a blast. The class is structured like an actual writer's room, we all come in with our ideas and have to pitch them to the group, then we break stories together. This past week was our first pitch meeting for the class, and there were some AWESOME ideas thrown around the table.
Now I can't write about those, since they belong to the people who came up with them... but I can write about some of my favorite episodes on my favorite shows! Enjoy!
The Office - Benjamin Franklin - Season 3 Ep. 15
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPcbbW10T18
Synopsis: As Phyllis' wedding approaches, Michael organizes a bachelor party in the warehouse for her husband-to-be Bob Vance, of Vance Refrigeration, while Angela and the Party Planning committee plan a shower for Phyllis upstairs. Michael's long-time friend Todd Packer convinces Michael to hire strippers for both parties, saying it's a Bachelor party tradition. Having never hired a stripper before, Michael passes the task on to Jim and Dwight. Dwight hires a dancer for the Bachelor party, Jim however, calls the Scholastic Speakers of America... and hires Ben Franklin. Hilarity ensues.
Why I Love This Episode: For me it's a close call between this and "The Dundies" as my favorite episode and truth be told I probably love them equally. I think what stands out to me about this episode is the absolute absurdity of the whole situation. I would have LOVED to be in the meeting when someone pitched this episode, I imagine that it was a full 20 minutes or so before everyone stopped laughing and was able to get back to work.
Notable Lines:
Pam: Ben Franklin, do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons?
30 Rock - Verna - Season 4 Ep.12
http://www.hulu.com/watch/125953/30-rock-jaccuse
Synopsis: Frank and Liz become temporary roommates and decide to help each other kick their bad habits. Unfortunately, some habits die hard, and Liz finds herself dreaming about giving birth to MeatCat, the Cheesy Blasters mascot, as well as eating in her sleep as seen in the clip above.
Why I Love This Episode: This was the hardest show for me to choose from, there are SO MANY good episodes. I chose this one, almost solely for the above clip. "Black Tie" from season one was a close close second, mainly for Paul Reubens and his Ivory hand.
Synopsis: Moss and Roy suspect that Jen's new beau is gay. To prove them wrong, Jen invites them along on her date with him to see a play. To her dismay, the play turns out to be "Gay: A Gay Musical" which only adds to Moss and Roy's suspicions. Things only get worse however, when Roy is caught in the Handicapped bathroom and pretends to be disabled rather than face the embarrassment of his peers.
Why I Love This Episode: It's hard not to love nearly every episode of this show, I think I love this one particularly though because it manages to cram so much chaos into only half an hour. Literally this episode is packed to 30 Rock proportions of total absurdity.
Notable Lines:
Roy: I'm Disabled. Jen: How did it happen? Roy: Acid. Jen: (disbelieving) What are the odds of that? Roy: Like 1 in 100.
Blackadder - The Queen of Spain's Beard - Season 1 Ep. 4
Synopsis: Blackadder is forced into an arranged marriage with the Infanta Maria of Spain. At first he is excited at the idea of marrying a Spanish princess, but after meeting her and realizing she is not the beauty many have made her out to be, he tries to get out of the engagement. Unfortunately for him, the Infanta falls in love with him at first sight... at least that's what her translator Don Speekinglish says.
Why I Love This Episode: An oldie but a goodie, I'm sure most of my readers have never seen this show, which is sad, but seasons 3 and 4 are on Netflix, which is happy. Basically it's like The Tudors, but funny, with no sex... and no hotness, but it's good! I swear!
Remember that translator I mentioned? I might also mention that he is present throughout the ENTIRE episode, no matter the situation, no matter how hilarious, or... intimate, the translator is there, translating, constantly. Also, the translator is played by Jim Broadbent... Yes, Golden Globe winner, Jim Broadbent.
Notable Lines:
Don Speekinglish: (translator) Hurry, hurry stupid person I want to entwine him again in my broad thighs.
Spongebob Squarepants - The Graveyard Shift - Season 2 Ep. 16
Synopsis: Mr. Krabs decides to make the Krusty Krab a 24 hour restaurant, requiring Squidward and Spongebob to work the Graveyard Shift. Squidward, annoyed by Spongebob's unending optimism, tells him the ghost story of the Hash Slinging Slasher to scare him into silence. Unfortunately, all the warning signs in the story begin to come true.
Why I Love This Episode: It combines some of my favorite things, horror stories, Nosferatu, and invertebrates, but also, it's hilarious.
Notable Lines:
Spongebob: Hey! I'm (insert action here) at night!
Community - Beginner Pottery - Season 1 Ep.19
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mew8EXI7YMo
Synopsis: Jeff takes Beginner Pottery for some easy credit while the rest of the Study Group decides to take Sailing in the parking lot. Distressed by his inability to accel at pottery, Jeff begins to suspect that one of the other students is not quite a "beginner" and breaks the "No Ghosting" rule set up by the teacher.
Why I Love This Episode: Firstly, No Ghosting. Whoever thought that up, is a genius. Secondly, sailing class, on a stationary boat, in the middle of the school parking lot... also genius. Even though it's still only in it's first season, this show has quickly become one of my faves, I am soooo glad it got renewed.
Okay, I know there are TONS more I could list, but right now, it's 5:30 in the AM and therefore, time for me to sleep. My apologies to "Friends" which had so many good episodes I couldn't pick just one :(
Earlier this month, bequeathed to me a fantastic website of highly hilarious captioned photos... that make no sense. As the name suggests Unrelated Captions basically pairs all the best pictures on the internet with unrelated captions to produce hilarious results. Merrissa and I thought we would try our hand at it... here are some of our first efforts.
Merrissa and I were perusing the internets this weekend and stumbled upon My Life is Twilight and decided that our lives were too awesome to merely be Twilight... our lives had to be Maury.
Enjoy!
I'm a 14 year old stripper who doesn't know who my babydaddy is, LULZ... MLIM
I have a secret... I'm secretly a MAN!... AND the father of our love-child! MLIM
I have a secret! I have a Twin Sister! AND WE'RE BOTH STRIPPERS! MLIM
I'm obsessed with a fictional vampire and it "ecclipses" all my real-life social interactions... MLIM also Twilight.
Remember when I said I didn't cheat on you? My lie detector test determined that was a lie... up to 10 different times! MLIM
Okay, so I just got a new computer and I've been spending the past couple days setting it up and installing all my spiffy software. Among my spiffy new software, is a brand new Novel-based word processor to complement my spiffy screenwriting software and I've been just ITCHING to try it out and actually write a few chapters of something as a way to distract me from working on the new pilot I'm supposed to be writing.
Anywho... I've been tossing ideas around in my head for what to write and I've come up with a few different options.
A) Some sort of memoir cataloging my short yet somewhat interesting existence and following my best friend Merrissa's and my quest to be One Hit Wonders while also having action figures of ourselves.
B) A sweeping Romance Novel about Vikings, or Pirates, or Space Viking Pirates... or a Zombie Outbreak... basically a love story that somehow flourishes against insurmountable odds.
C) A "How-to" Book on being awesome... or you know, cooking or something.
D) A Girl's Guide to Horror Films and other things involving corpses.
Anyway, I'm leaving it up to you guys. Vote! Tell me what you like best! I'll get started on the winner and post chapters of it as I finish them.
My parents were in town this past weekend and we got onto the topic of which songs reminded us of whom so I decided to compile a list of people and songs that remind me of them. Enjoy!
My Dad: Spider Pig
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZEd3zsQgg4
I'm not sure why... it just does.
My Mom: Hold On - Wilson Phillips
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2L9IKVe9LA
Without fail, every time this song comes on the radio my mom will ask me who it's by. Every single time, I reply, "Wilson Phillips, Mom" I have no idea what she does with this information. To my knowledge she's never downloaded the song, or bought a Wilson Phillips album and I think at this point she's just messing with me.
Erin: Flourescent Adolescent - The Arctic Monkeys
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ma9I9VBKPiw
Erin says that if I ever succeed in making my Vampire movie that this song should play over the credit sequence... I agree wholeheartedly.
Former Roommate Merrissa: Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc-P8oDuS0Q
Every single time Merrissa and I get in my car to go somewhere, and she DJ's with my iPod she plays this song first. Every. Single. Time. Luckily it's an awesome song.
Current Roommate Nikki: Cherry Pie - Warrant
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTXkUr9COjc
When I lived with Nikki the first time, in my younger college days, this song was at the same time, her phone ring, text tone, and alarm clock... for like 6 months. As a result, I know all the words.
Current Roommate Ricky: Informer - Snow
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D39Lm_HRfOs
There was a time when Merrissa claimed that the only thing she wanted for Christmas was for me to learn all the lyrics to this song... I never did... because to this day I cannot find a conclusive agreement on what the lyrics are. That doesn't stop Ricky and I from mumbling through it constantly.
Melody: What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris
Video and song possibly NSFW... depending on where you work.
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mq-Ru6kQhE4
This is honestly one of Mel's favorite songs... which cracks me up every time I think about it.
Will: We Are the Champions - Queen
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sogKUx_q7ig
Sam Morrow: Whistle for the Choir - The Fratellis
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9xBX4CydAA
Mainly because she's a fellow Fratelli lover, but mostly because she and I share an appreciation for this song specifically.
Michelle Beard: Don't Dream it's Over - Sixpence None the Richer
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3fU8m-7j78
Michelle put this on a mixtape for me back in high school... when we still used tapes for mixtapes... like champions. I actually still have the tape, sadly no where to play it.
Nick Chavez: Head Over Heels - Tears For Fears
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMBbJ_l0Tb4
I think I remember Nick at one time saying this was his favorite song... I might be completely wrong, but either way, it still reminds me of him.
Krystol McIntyre: Bump Bump Bump - B2K
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgiX53hjAPc
Basically any B2K/Omarion song reminds me of Krystol, and probably always will. It also makes me think of this girl in High School who had "Raz-b is Dumb Fine" written on her binder.
Okay, I know there's a TON more I could come up with, so if you want me to tell you what song reminds me of you then put it in the comments. I'm also curious to find out if any songs remind people of me, so put that in the comments too!
As soon as I posted my last list of favorite albums, I realized there were some big albums missing. Albums that I can listen to, in their entirety, in one sitting. Albums that play over the sound system at work, that magically don't drive me insane. Albums that are just plain awesome, these, are those albums...
Enjoy.
Amy Winehouse: Back to Black
I was lucky enough to obtain this little gem on vinyl this week. I've heard many people argue for the more radio-friendly, less obscene stylings of Amy's fellow Brit Duffy, and while I enjoy Duffy's Rockferry quite a bit she never seems to be able to capture the same aching soulful sound that Amy does. Listening to Amy Winehouse makes me feel like she's got more emotion in one crack addled nostril than I have in my entire being. It's rare that you find someone who sounds so painful, and yet so beautiful at the same time. Just witness this awesomeness...
There's a small bit of cussing in the beginning, but other than that I think it should be SFW.
For all the facebook peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah33Up5NTB4
I heard my sister even learned this song on the Ukelele, and says she'll leave a video of it on my wall... I have yet to see such a video, but I'm sure when I do it will be magnificent. :) Download: Back to Black, Me and Mr. Jones, Tears Dry on Their Own, and the rest of the album.
Adele: 19
Much in the same vein as Ms. Winehouse, Adele hails from the UK but sounds like Motown, and in my experience you really can't go wrong with Motown, no way no how. She's a little lighter than her darker boozy counterpart, but not as airy as Duffy. Aka, less painful, but still gritty. I think the true measure of an artist is how well they sing their songs live, and Adele is a live performance champ, as evidenced in this video with just her voice and a guitar...
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO_YaZsIJJ8
This is my absolute favorite song off her debut album, and I know it's good because it was on my store's rotation for 3 months and I never got tired of it. I would actually look forward to it playing at work. It's rare that I can actually enjoy the music in the store, since even the best songs become grating after a long day of dealing with surly customers, but Adele beat the odds. Download: Chasing Pavements, Right as Rain, etc.
Rooney: Self Titled and Calling the World
I nearly slapped myself when I realized that neither of these albums were on my first list. I was lucky enough to see Rooney live when they came to UCI a few years ago and it was an interesting experience to say the least... but! They were AMAZING! They sound exactly like they do on their CD. And if you're wondering if the lead singer is that guy from Princess Diaries, the answer is yes. I think the band is actually in the movie at one point, playing the end of this song...
For all the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jB809oiPE1c
Download: Blueside, Sorry Sorry, Shakin', When Did Your Heart Go Missing, and basically everything else...
They also have a new album due out this June!
The Police: Greatest Hits
Why is it that the bands who can't get along and stay together make the best music. The Police are truly legendary, their songs have been covered dozens of times and yet their originals still stand the test of time. Every time someone plays that crappy Roxanne cover from Moulin Rouge a little piece of me dies inside, because this is what Roxanne SHOULD sound like...
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO7q5z5wbNc
Download: Roxanne, Message in a Bottle, Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, Don't Stand so Close to Me...
Death Cab for Cutie: Narrow Stairs
I actually have this on vinyl as well as CD and I have to say that this is a great album to just set and forget. Just turn it on, and you won't even notice how it meanders from song to song because it flows so well, I did eventually differentiate the songs enough to have a favorite...
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o9_cxGbt30
Download: I Will Possess Your Heart, Cath
Michael Jackson: Off the Wall
You know all those awesome Michael Jackson songs that aren't Thriller? Yeah... they're like all on this album, no lie...
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X-Mrc2l1d0
All this album needs is Billie Jean, Smooth Criminal, Bad, Black and White, and Thriller to be a nearly complete Michael Jackson's Greatest hits album.
Like the girl in the video, it's true. I have a lot of feelings. On various subjects. Unfortunately not all of them fit neatly into other posts. So I'm just going to discuss them now... by discuss, I mean rant.
The History Channel
I don't know about you guys, but I often find myself at home during the day with nothing to watch on TV. In this situation, I often turn to one of three reliable channel resources.
1. Whatever Channel Maury is on. 2. The Food Network 3. The History Channel
Who doesn't love watching trainwrecks cry? Nobody that's who. Everybody loves a good round of paternity test shenanigans, but sometimes Maury, Montel, Jerry Springer, and/or Judge Judy aren't on TV. At that point, there's only one logical person to turn to... Paula Deen. But oh no! Paula doesn't come on til 4! That can mean only one thing... it's time to learn about the Pyramids.
Or at least that's what you want from the History Channel... and sometimes that's what you get. But chances are, 90% of the times you tune into the History Channel... it will be something WWII related or Gangland... which they somehow find a way to relate to WWII. (How many Gangland specials are there on the Aryan Brotherhood anyway?)
WWII can be fascinating... at least that's what the History Channel WANTS you to think. That's why they give their WWII specials names like "Hitler and the Occult." With a name like that, how could you NOT want to watch? I mean Hitler was one messed up dude, I can't think of anyone more evil... oh wait, yes I can... SATAN! The only way the ending of Inglourious Basterds would have been more satisfying is if the Bear Jew had gunned down Satan after he finished with Hitler. Seriously, Hitler and Satan, the two biggest names in douchebaggery, teamed up, one night only... FOR A HISTORY CHANNEL SPECTACULAR EVENT!!!
But that's not what this special is about at all... Pretty much the whole thing boils down to, "Hitler was kind of into Astrology."
Big. Deal.
So is the lady who cuts my hair. She also enjoys Elvis Costello and is saving up to go visit the Harry Potter theme park in Florida when it opens. Do I want to watch a History Channel special about her? That's a definite no. The worst part is that the History Channel has awesome specials, they just NEVER play them, look at this list...
History of Vampires The Aztecs and Human Sacrifice Historical Ghost Stories Mysteries of the Pyramids Stonehenge: Temple of the Dead Ancient Aliens
That's how many awesome ones I found in 60 seconds. Guess what? None of them are WWII related, which is probably why they don't show them.
Crappy Band Names
Tokio Hotel... before I go for the obvious jokes, can I just point out that the normal looking ones in that picture have names like Gustav and Georg... while Bob Marley and Edward Scissorhands over there get names like Bill and Tom. Seriously unfair. Now that's out of the way... TOKIO HAS A Y IN IT! T-O-K-Y-O, TOKYO. The Germans aren't the only culprits here, this is a war we're fighting on our very own American soil...
Soulja Boy Tell 'Em... Tell them what, Soulja Boy? While we're at it... S-O-L-D-I-E-R!!! Soldier, not Soulja. Now, I'm not just getting down on people for bad spelling, because hey, I love The Beatles, and they would be decidedly less awesome if they were called The Beetles, but the misspelling serves a purpose. BEATles, like a beat in their music. The difference is that no one gets confused by the name "The Beatles" there's no dangling pronouns in "The Beatles" it doesn't leave you scratching your head thinking... huh? Bad band names can cause confusion, as seen in this epic and awesome film...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs_h7YdIe_k
Do you think they would have gotten famous if they would have kept their name as the Oneders (Hey, that's O-nee-ders) instead of the Wonders? Heck no. So cut the crap, and have a normal band name, for all our sakes.
I like to end on a positive...
Old Spice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE
Don't even lie, that's the funniest commercial you've seen all week, maybe month, possibly year, Old Spice doesn't smell too bad either. A message to all the dudes out there, smelling nice is basically one of the best things you can do to "Up your Game" there's not much better than a guy that smells like nice cologne... or at the very least Old Spice.
Okay, so I cleaned my cavernous abyss of a bedroom the other day and found about 4 CD's that I had totally forgotten I had, and consequently, totally forgotten how much I love, and I realized I've never put up a comprehensive list of my all time faves. Well, that time is now! (I'm updating... happy Michelle? ;)
Maroon 5 - Songs about Jane
I know I've mentioned my love for this album on the blog before, but this is one of the few albums that I can listen to from beginning to end without skipping to the next track, and be completely content. Fun fact: If you listen to this album from start to finish, it follows the life cycle of a doomed relationship... also it's awesome. Download: This Love, Sunday Morning etc.
The Killers - Hot Fuss
This kind of music is not normally my cup of tea. Aside from my embarrassing ammount of Lady Gaga as of late, Electronic/Dance stuff has never been my thing, but after buying this album I instantly fell in love with it. Mr. Brightside is in the top 3 of every Best Songs Ever mix I make. Download: Mr. Brightside, duh. Also, Midnight Show
The Fratellis - Costello Music
I bought this album on a whim after seeing the now famous iPod ad...
For the facebook peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKxGfLo7Cqo
Little did I know the wonders that awaited within. It's good old fashioned English Pub Rock with a modern flare and it's virtually impossible to dislike in any way shape or form. It's also been featured in some high quality cinema... like Hot Fuzz Download: Whistle for the Choir, Baby Fratelli
Mika - Life in Cartoon Motion
Because it's freakin' awesome that's why. When I was a freshman, Mesa Commons would always have MtvU playing on all the TVs in the dining room. One day while savoring a stale bagel and staring mindlessly at the screens I saw the video for Grace Kelly with no music (because they never turned the volume loud enough for us to actually hear anything) and I was oddly compelled to go home and look up the song on iTunes. Boy am I glad I did. I would say this is the best album I've purchased since going to college. Download: Grace Kelly, Big Girl You are Beautiful, Lollipop
No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom
Do I really even have to justify this one. You'd be hard pressed to find someone my age that doesn't know about half the songs on this album... it was legendary back in the day, and guess what, it still holds up. Fun fact: I have this album on vinyl and the record is green... literally green. The only thing cooler than that is my lavender copy of Purple Rain. Download: Spiderwebs, Just a Girl, and of course Don't Speak
Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever Amen
Before Ben Folds was a solo artist and put out even more albums filled with righteous tune-age he was in a band... that was named after him... Essentially it's the same thing, but with 2 other guys added to the mix. The interesting thing about Ben Folds Five is that many songs people attribute to Ben Folds as a solo artist were actually originally performed by the band. Download: Fair, Kate, Brick, Song For the Dumped
They Might Be Giants - Apollo 18
A childhood favorite that I've recently re-discovered. They have such an interesting sound and there's not much like them out there anymore. Plus, I really enjoyed their tiny 30 second cameo in Coraline...
For all the facebook peeps... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km7JsvdmMyI Download: Dinner Bell, Mammal, Evil Twin, Narrow Your Eyes, I Palindrome I
Ludo - You're Awful I Love You
Yet another gem gleaned from early campus cable and MtvU. I think the thing that truly makes the first single off this album is the music video. It looks like it's all one take and it requires a truly trained eye to spot the nearly flawless cuts...
For the facebook peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XH3oMNKApI Download: Drunken Lament, Mutiny Below
The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night
I know there are so many good Beatles albums to choose from, but I choose this one. It has some of my all time favorite Beatles songs all in one place. Not to say that the other albums aren't equally list worthy, but this is the one I find myself listening to most often. Download: If I fell, And I Love Her, The rest of the album
Jellyfish - Spilt Milk
One of the best albums of the 90's that no one ever heard and sadly the band broke up right after the release of this album, so there's no knowing how much more awesome they would have gotten with time. Download: Joining a Fan Club, Sebrina Paste and Plato, New Mistake
Queen - Greatest Hits Vol.1
It basically has all the best Queen songs on one CD including my personal guilty pleasure fave "Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy" Which was also lovingly covered by Mr. Jason Mraz... and covered well if I do say so myself. Download: Don't Stop Me Now, Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy, Killer Queen
Fall Out Boy - Infinity On High
Say what you will, naysayers. But I love this album... I also tend to lose it in my car and then find it months later subsequently falling in love with it anew. Download: The Take Over The Break's Over, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, I've got all this ringing in my ears...
Some of my favorite things have unfortunately come to an end as of late. No, I'm not just talking about Fall Out Boy. This past week, I went to check in to one of my favorite Blogs... AND IT WAS GONE!!! NOOOOO!!!
I've referenced thingsiboughtthatilove.com before, and some of you may recognize it as Mindy Kaling's (Kelly from the Office) blog. The point of the blog is basically for Mindy and her friends to show off recent purchases and talk about why they're so awesome. Let me just say... she has great taste. So, in memory of this blog, I've decided to make my own list of things that I bought I love, enjoy!
Mac Fan Apple Earrings - $13.99 These sweet studs are made from tiny logo stickers rescued from Macs from days of old. Not only are they SUPER cute but also environmentally friendly because they're made from recycled materials. A cute way for stylish broads to hint at inner nerdiness. You can get your own pair at Etsy.com
Mika: The Boy Who Knew Too Much - $11.99 @ BestBuy Sad about Fall Out Boy breaking up? DON'T BE! Just pop in some Mika! The best part is that it's physically impossible to be anything but euphorically happy when listening to Mika. No seriously, try to think of Dead puppies whilst watching this video...
For the Facebook Peeps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOWW-0OwxEU&feature=fvw
You can't do it can you? It's just too awesome to be sad. Another Thing I Bought That I Love = Tickets to see Mika Live. Probably the best concert I have ever attended, I'd go again tomorrow for double the price... it would be totally worth it. You can buy it wherever sweet tunes are sold.
This T-Shirt! - £25 We met this artist at the Camden Open Air Market in London and he finally has his website up and running, which is awesome because his designs are super fun and have recently been featured on the BBC. Who knows, maybe he'll get super famous some day and you could have one of his first shirts. I'm quite partial to the monster, as well as the shirt featuring a giant octopus attacking London.
The IT Crowd DVDs Seasons 1 - 3 - $19.00 Each @ Best Buy The second British import on our list. Did you ever wonder where Big Bang Theory borrowed all their good ideas from? IT WAS THIS SHOW! Except that this show is infinitely more awesome. Don't believe me? All the seasons are available to watch instantly on Netflix, try a few episodes out... you'll thank me.
Zebra Flats - $12.99 @ Target These shoes are SUPER comfortable, they come in like a MILLION different prints/colors, and did I mention they're $12.99? $12.99 People! I have 4 different pairs of these shoes... not a day goes by when I don't wear at least one of those pairs. They're more comfortable than tennis shoes and a helluva lot cuter. Thank you Target, for enabling poor college kids like me to have sweet Zapatos.
Tell me the best stuff you've bought lately in the comments section!
I'm applying for a few writing-based internships at NBC. As part of the application process I wrote a spec script for the show I know best, The Office. I'm pretty laid back when it comes to most things, but when it comes to my writing I am a perfectionist. Therefore, I refuse to send in my draft until I know that it is the best draft it could possibly be ever in the history of ever.
At this point you're thinking, "Okay Paige, so you're borderline anal-retentive about your TV shows, what does that have to do with me?" IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Sometimes stuff sounds amazing on paper but falls flat the second it's read aloud, so what I want to do is have a table reading for the rough draft of my script.
For the uninitiated, a table reading is where a bunch of actors/writers get together and read a script aloud and with feeling as if they were performing it to get a sense of how the script flows. I unfortunately am only one person, so I need people! If you love The Office and you are in Southern California. I WANT YOU to read my script.
Do you wake up every morning wishing you had Andy Bernard's sweet acapella skills? Or Stanley's crossword abilities? NOW YOU CAN! Well, at least in an imaginary sense for the half an hour or so the reading will take. Here are the roles available...
Michael Scott
Jim Halpert
Dwight Schrute
Pam Beesly-Halpert
Kevin Malone
Oscar Nunes
Angela Martin
Meredith Palmer
Creed Bratton
Andy Bernard
Stanley Hudson
Darryl Philbin
Phyllis Lapin-Vance
Kelly Kapoor
Ryan Howard
Toby Flenderson
Miscellaneous Female Characters
Miscellaneous Male Characters
If you want to read, email @ paigesuth@gmail.com, tell me what character(s) you'd like to read and what days you're free, and I will send you a script. There will be food, fun, and awkwardness! Hope you can come! (That's what she said)
Now that finals are over I finally have time to concentrate on important things... like coming up with some way to kill time on Wednesday Nights until Glee starts up again in April. More importantly, I now I have time to catch up on my internet hilarity, where I discovered a piece of musical genius passed on to me by Mr. Sax Appeal himself, my roommate Ricky Hopkins.
This slice of ear candy is the newest from R. Kelly. You know, the guy who wrote the only 12-part song about midget defecation and baby daddies. This whole song is essentially one terrible pick up line, and I thought to myself, "Self, there are many songs like this... to the blog!"
For all you guys on facebook, if you want to see the vids you're gonna have to go check it out on the blog... Unfortunately facebook is lame and doesn't let me embed videos in my notes, they also constantly screw up my links also. So without further ado, I give you this list of songs based on horrible pick up lines, starting first with our main man R. Kelly.
Pregnant - R. Kelly
Apparently Mr. Kelly is under the impression that all the foxy ladies up in da club are just aching to be the lucky lady to pop out some of his do rag wearin' R&B spawn.
Don't believe me? Peep these lyrics...
Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant (x2) Lay your body down and get you pregnant Knock you up, pregnant, knock you up
Yeah... that just happened. If you're a glutton for punishment you can listen to the video here:
Listen up R. Imma learn ya somethin. 99.99% of the women on earth would turn tail and run in the opposite direction after hearing something like that. FURTHERMORE... Never, ever, ever, never, ever, ever use the phrase "Knock you up" in a song especially in the chorus, that's like Songwriting 101. I know, I know, you wrote "I Believe I can Fly" but that was 10 years ago, just because you have a hit doesn't mean you can throw out the rulebook of songwriting propriety... just puttin' it out there.
I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd
Weren't the 90's awesome? They totally were, no denying it. Before we even get to the lyrics, I already have a few bones to pick with the fellas in Color Me Badd. Firstly, Bad only has one "D" morons! Secondly, STOP USING "SEX" AS A VERB!!! And now... to the lyrics:
Girl you know, it feels real good We can do it 'til we both wake up Girl, you know I'm hooked on you And this is what I'll do, yeah
(I wanna sex you up) Make love 'til we drown (I wanna sex you up)
And it goes on and on. Now, I don't know about you, but I've already spotted a few problems.
1. We can do it 'til we both wake up Ummm, I would hope that you'd both be awake already. I had no idea that ambien-lovin' was already a fad during the 90's. And if it wasn't, then I have no explanation for that lyric, except for kinky, kinky sleepwalking.
2. Make love 'til we drown Are you getting freaky in the ocean? What is going on in this song?!? And are they still asleep? Holy cow! THEY'RE GOING TO DROWN!
Regardless of these massive unresolved issues... this song is still catchy as heck. As evidenced by my favorite version, performed by the Acafellas:
Faded - Souldecision
At first this song sounds like one guy's innocent attempt to get out of the friend zone... but really it's not. As the lyrics clearly state...
Don't you think it's time we went a bit further, oh yeah Every night when we say goodbye how can I help looking in your eyes Wondering why you and I haven't hit it Can we get it on
[Chorus:] Kind of faded, but I feel alright Thinkin' about making my move tonight I can't pretend that you're only my friend when you're holdin' my body tight 'Cause I like the way you're making your move I like the way you're making me wait At the end of the night, when i make up your mind You'll be coming on home with me, yeah, yeah, yeah
First things first, with friends this skeezy... who needs to be groped by strangers? Also. I'm going to give them a penalty for awkward goatee usage:
But I digress, what if a guy actually said that to someone? I think it would go something like this...
INT. HOUSE PARTY - NIGHT
Party goers run rampant as bad pop music wafts from a nearby stereo. A SKEEZY FRIEND stands next to a GIRL trying to get her drunk on Zima.
SKEEZY FRIEND So how come you and I never... you know.
GIRL What are you talking about?
SKEEZY FRIEND Look I can't pretend that you and I don't have chemistry when you look at me like that.
GIRL Ummm... I'm only friends with you so I can cheat off you in math class...
SKEEZY FRIEND Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
This cannot end well. Play us off Soul Decision...
Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot
See that picture... yeah... he's posing... on a butt... a giant butt.
So I know pretty much everyone reading this can totally recite these lyrics by heart at this point, but I just want to highlight one section in particular...
Oh baby, I wanna get wit ya And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But that butt you got makes me so horny Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin You say you wanna get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me 'Cause you ain't that average groupie
Sir Mix-A-Lot wants you to get in his Benz after he takes your picture... because you've got junk in the trunk. Butts, not just for sitting anymore. Now you can use them to attract a successful dude with a lot goin' on, like Sir Mix-A-Lot. That's all well and good, but riddle me this ass man, how would the average lady respond to a dude saying, "Yo! Your butt is HUGE!"
I'll tell you.
Not Well.
However, after chilling with my good friends Ben and Jerry and crying over my huge behind... I officially award Sir Mix-A-Lot my Snoop Dogg perpetual trophy for Mad Flow and Sick Rhymes... also for using a fairy tale analogy to refer to a woman's posterior, and being the most popular song played at every sorority dance. For those of you who have a thing for Badonkadonk-shaped set pieces... I give you Baby Got Back: The Music Video.
There are only about 3 more weeks left in 2009 and I think it's been a great year for entertainment. I will, of course, be posting my annual list of Wins and Fails after the New Years. But, before I make my final deliberations, I thought I would take the time to recognize some of my favorite movies, because there's just a little too much Win for one list alone.
I know that there are some amazing films that didn't make the list, but I wanted to pick my personal favorites. Enjoy!
In Order of Release Date:
Coraline
I was surprised how much I enjoyed this movie. Don't get me wrong, I like The Nightmare Before Christmas as much as anyone else, but I'm not a crazy fangirl. The story was creative and touching, and it was visually stunning. Not to mention the music, artfully composed by They Might Be Giants. I was an instant fan.
Star Trek
And not just because Zachary Quinto is fi-i-i-ine! I mean look, he's not even in that picture. I really appreciated that J.J. Abrams was able to make a movie that average moviegoers and Trekkies can enjoy... sorry, Trekkers. Just give it up guys, neither one sounds good.
Inglourious Basterds
Like I haven't talked about this movie enough already, I'll condense it's appeal into 5 words for the uninitiated. Killing Nazis With Baseball Bats. 'Nuff Said.
Whip It
Long story short... I TOTALLY WANT TO BE A HURL SCOUT! This movie made me laugh and cry, it was quirky and fun, all around I just totally enjoyed it. I highly recommend that everyone watch it if you get a chance.
Pirate Radio
This movie had literally all of my favorite British People in it, except Simon Pegg and Hugh Laurie. Not to mention that the soundtrack is AMAZING! There is more music in this movie than Across the Universe, and it's all original versions. My sister Erin and I alternated between laughing and dancing in the theater, it was a great Movie experience!
Ninja Assassin
I had literally no expectations for this movie. I figured all I would get was a Bloodbath. Don't get me wrong... it was a bloodbath, and by blood bath I mean that each person emitted enough blood to fill a bathtub when killed. It takes some serious Kung Fu to out bloody the Crazy 88's scene in Kill Bill and Ninja Assassin did it within the first 10 minutes. Say what you want, but I liked it.
Now, there are some reportedly awesome films that I haven't seen yet that might make this list, I'll review each separately. Ones I haven't seen yet are...
Black Dynamite Precious Up New York, I Love You Where the Wild Things Are Fantastic Mr. Fox (I have it on good authority that it is indeed fantastic) Up in the Air Lovely Bones The Road
Most of you who know me personally know how I feel about chick flicks. Especially those of the Jane Austenish Love Story Variety.
Well, recently Ricky and I watched one such film, (don’t ask why, the explanation isn’t nearly as interesting as you’d think) and we were able to predict the ending after only 20 minutes.
That’s right, 20 minutes. Those movies are THAT predictable. How predictable you ask… well let me show you, starting with...
The Main Character and her Family
- The Writer: A girl from a poor family who likes to read/write to a degree that is inappropriate for their gender/age/social status etc. She must also have a snarky disposition about love and everything vaguely associated with marriage… this is essential.
- The Gold Digger: Usually the Writer's mother or her sister. This character will stop at nothing to marry off their children, or in the case of the sister, themselves to the highest bidder/local nobleman/rich relative.
- The Family Embarrassment: Be it the eccentric father, the doddering grandmother, or the inappropriate younger sibling, they serve as comic relief and to further shame the already poor and socially unacceptable family.
- The Other Siblings: They're not really important... unless they can be married off.
But of course there wouldn't be a story without another group of people... we'll call them...
The Love Interests
- The New Guy in Town: He's rich and most likely of noble blood, but most importantly he, like the Writer, is disenchanted with love and will have snarky/flirty debates about it. His mother will stop at nothing to make sure he doesn't marry someone of lower standing or worse, poor.
- The New Guy in Town's Friend/Brother: He's got the New Guy's best interests at heart, or so he thinks. His main function is to deter gold diggers... or failing that, to marry them before the New Guy gets a chance.
- The Attractive Family Friend/Hired Help: He either lives with the Writer or at the very least, he lives next door. He's disproportionately attractive for his line of work/social status, he also spends a lot of time shirtless or in a white tank.
He just so happens to be friends with the Writer or one of her sisters... scandal and potential outdoor/library/rainy/barn makeout scenes ensue.
Let the story begin...
The Writer and her poor family are running out of money, unless they come up with some cash soon they will lose their house/castle/mansion/farm. Lucky for them, who should show up but the New Guy who happens to be conveniently rich and single.
The New Guy calls on the family for tea/dinner/cocktail party. The Writer and/or the Family Embarrassment wrecks everything. The Gold Digger is distraught. The New Guy's Friend tells the New Guy that the family is socially unacceptable/only interested in him for the money.
Meanwhile, the Writer is kind of disgusted with the New Guy's riches. Writer/Extra Sibling starts to get a little more serious with the Hired Hand/Family Friend. The Gold Digging sister marries someone for money and not love... it is the scandal of the town. New Guy insults the Writer by pointing it out.
For an inexplicable reason, Writer falls for New Guy. Hired Hand/Family Friend makes his move... Writer/Extra Sibling turns him down. Hired Hand/Family Friend goes to London/America and gets rich or gets sent off to war and dies.
If this is a Movie based on a Jane Austen book: Writer and New Guy get married and live happily ever after.
If this is a Movie based on a book by anyone else: Writer dies a spinster.
If this is Jane Austen's actual life: Writer dies a spinster.
Don't Believe me? Well spoilers ahead...
Becoming Jane: Writer falls for a rich guy... she dies a spinster
Atonement: Writer's sister falls for the Hired Hand/Family Friend... she dies a spinster.
Little Women: Writer turns down the Hired Hand/Family Friend... she ends up with a professor, let's face it, she'll die a spinster.
I Capture the Castle: Writer turns down the Hired Hand/Family Friend in favor of the New Guy... she still dies a spinster.
If anyone ever wonders why I'm not a fan of these movies... chalk it all up to the fact that I like writing... and I don't want to die a spinster.
